


Seeing Blue

by Karlseer



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Schizophrenia, To the Max, Triggers, i like angst, like this is angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 09:25:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7885609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karlseer/pseuds/Karlseer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I pretend you are here<br/>Tracing my exposed skin<br/>Drinking all the words I say<br/>Drowning the world with our laughter</p><p>I pretend you are here<br/>Breathing the same air I breathe<br/>Feeling my beating heart<br/>That drums your name</p><p>I pretend you are here<br/>Only you by my side<br/>Holding each other<br/>Like it will be our last</p><p>I pretend that you are here<br/>Even though you are a ghost<br/>Living in my heart<br/>Because you are not here.</p><p>-Karlseer<br/>--<br/>Keith is happy. His friends aren't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seeing Blue

In their quaint penthouse, the Voltron group lived together. One could say they were the living embodiment of the show Friends. However, they were different from the characters of Friends. Shiro and Allura were the mature and older friends, Hunk was the reliable and lovable friend, Pidge was the snarky and genius friend, leaving Lance and Keith to be the smart yet impulsive friends. They all met during college, through connections and constantly bumping into each other. The origin of their group name came from Lance.

From the perspective of Keith, Lance is the annoying friend. Keith knows there is more to Lance than meets the eye. Keith doesn’t openly admit this because he fancies himself the protector of Lance, albeit Lance being annoying. Keith would defend Lance if anyone ever belittles him. In truth, he really likes Lance even with their differences.  He likes their silly fights, their meaningful conversations, their peaceful walk at the beach near their penthouse, and some nights where they stargaze at the sky. He really likes being with Lance. However, Keith isn’t sure if Lance feels the same way.

Keith groaned to his pillow. His phone’s alarm woke him up, and it was that awful song by Rihanna. Lance must’ve changed his ringtone, _“That asshole”_ Keith thought to himself. He got up from his comfortable mattress.

It was a typical morning for Keith. Pidge was on the sofa with their attention fully at their laptop, Hunk cooking their breakfast, Shiro and Allura were all dressed for work and Lance was whining about how hungry he was. It was a normal day, alright. Keith felt happy about it because it felt like home.

“Alright guys! Breakfast is ready!” Hunk announced. Hunk turned and noticed that Keith was awake. “Mornin’ Keith, you better sit down before—“

“I know, Lance will eat my breakfast and I’ll have to cook one myself.” For a moment, Hunk was silent and looked worried but Keith didn’t notice that because Hunk quickly switched his expression with a strained smile.

“Ye-Yeah! You know how Lance is!” Hunk said.

“Hey! What does that supposed to mean?” Lance pouted. Keith rolled his eyes. He sat on his respective chair. Pidge finally left the den and sat down as well.

The Voltron group talked about work, about their plans and miscellaneous topics.  Everyone went on to their separate ways after eating Hunk’s cooking. Keith was in charge with washing the dishes today. All of the sudden, someone tapped on his shoulder. Keith turned his head to see Lance smiling.

“Hey mullet head, are you free tonight?” Lance asked and leaned on the counter.

“Yeah, why’d you ask?” Keith replied.

Lance rubbed the back of his neck and looked sheepish. “Well-I- I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me?”

Keith’s face flushed red. “S-sure”

“W-wait, Oh my god!  REALLY?”  Lance held Keith’s hands.

“Yes, _really_ ” Keith smiled.

Lance eyes were twinkling with happiness, his grin grew wider. Though he went back to his ‘supposed’ to be his smooth mode “Ok, I’ll see you at 8, and wear something casual.” Lance did his signature finger gun hands then walked away while still in his boxers.

Keith shook his head while smiling. “Hmph. What a dork”

 

Their first date was awkward yet it was nice. They could barely hold each other’s hand without feeling sweaty. Their third date was at the penthouse, watching Stranger Things in Netflix while attempting to cuddle. Their fifth date was gazing the sight of the city at their rooftop. That was when they passionately kissed until they nearly forgot to breath.

Keith got home late from his seventh date with Lance. He felt blissful until he entered the living room. Everyone was sitting down on the couch, looking anxious. Allura’s brow furrowed, Shiro’s was tapping on his lap, Pidge was crossing their arms and Hunk was biting his lips also avoiding looking at Keith. The air in the room was cold and heavy.

“Keith, we need to talk.” Shiro was the one who finally broke the ice.

“What? Did I do something?” Keith was utterly confused. Pidge stood up from their place and for once looked intimidating.

“Keith, this shit needs to stop, you need to go to a fucking doctor because you are going insane!” Pidge exclaimed, and they looked serious.

“I am not insane! where the fuck did you get that idea?” Keith said, spitefully.

“Keith, Pidge, both of you, calm down.” Allura sounded assertive. She looks fixedly at Pidge. “We’ve discussed that we’ll do this in an orderly and calm manner.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Keith snarled.

“Allura, this can’t be handled in a calm matter! This shit is serious!” Pidge raised their voice at Allura. This was the first time Keith had witness Pidge ever doing that to Allura.

“Pidge—“Hunk tried to reach for his friend’s arm but failed. Pidge fixed her gaze at Keith and they looked like they were about to cry.

“Keith you need to stop acting like Lance is fucking alive! He’s been dead for 5 months! For fuck sake—” Pidge broke down into fits of tears. Hunk cradled them into his arms. “Keith, Lance is fucking dead, he’s gone forever, he…” Hunk hushed them while starting to tear up. Keith was stunned by the news.

“No, h-he-he can’t be” Keith stuttered. His eyes were wide open. He could clearly see Lance sitting on the armchair by the window. “He’s right there!” Keith pointed, but his whole body was shaking. “He’s right there, with his smug ass grin, wearing his blue shirt…” Keith knelt down and clutched his hair. Was anything real? Shiro slowly approached him.

“Keith, I know it’s hard to move on unlike the rest of us. You _were_ the one who witnessed Lance’s death.” Shiro stopped for a moment because he knew Keith needed to register this. Keith finally looked up at his friend who was standing over him.

“Ho-How did he die?” Keith voice was shaky. For the first time, Hunk looked at him. His eyes were red from crying.

“Dude, he got shot on the chest while protecting you from this psycho.” Hunk took a deep shaky breath. “The police found you with the killer being unconscious and Lance in your arms…his blood were all over your clothes” Hunk couldn’t control himself anymore. He rested his face against Pidge’s head, his body trembling. Allura caressed Hunk’s back and she covered her mouth as she cried as well.

Shiro spoke, “We burned the clothes you wore that day, and you were too traumatized to remember. We thought you’d remember in the morning but you acted like nothing happened. You talked like Lance was there and we thought that this was your way of coping for your loss. We even lied about going on a vacation when we were really going to Lance’s funeral.” Shiro knelt on the floor, right next to Keith.

“Then why?” Keith’s voice was strained. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

”We thought it was a good idea to let you be, we thought it would help us cope up with the loss too. We didn’t have the heart to tell you because we knew you love Lance, but we were wrong,  Keith, we were stupid because it backfired on us”  Tears fell from Shiro’s eyes and his voice became shaky. Keith has never seen Shiro cry, even after being friends for so many years.

”Ke-Keith, please, I am begging you to seek medical help. We’ve lost Lance already and we don’t want to lose you too” Shiro grabbed Keith’s shoulder and his grip tightened. “Please, Keith. Seeing you like this is hurting all of us, even Shay, Nyma and the others are hurt.” Shiro finally hugged his friend and cried on his shoulder.

“Fuck sake! Even those Galra scums noticed you’ve lost your mind” Pidge wailed. They still looked like a mess. Allura softly shushed them and pressed Pidge’s head close to her. She was between Hunk and Pidge. Hunk and Pidge were clinging on Allura.

Keith scanned the room. It felt like the world stopped and this was a terrible nightmare. He knew it wasn’t, he could feel Shiro’s tears soaking his shirt. Keith stared at where Lance sat. When he blinked, he saw no one sitting on the armchair. Keith began to believe his friends. He was losing his mind. Keith clutched on Shiro shirt and he weeped on his friend’s shoulders.

Finally, Keith decided to get treated. He visits the doctor after two weeks, and drinks his pills religiously because he’s constantly reminded by the group. So far, the therapy and medicines were working on him. He didn’t see Lance anymore.

As the doctor’s advice and Keith’s request, the gang brought Keith to Lance’s tombstone. Keith was left alone and grieved alone for hours. He visited Lance’s family and apologized for not being in Lance’s funeral, they understood and forgave him in a heartbeat. Lance’s mother reached out and gave him a hug. She became emotional and thanked him for being Lance’s friend.

It’s been months since the event happened. Puffs of snow were falling from the sky and landed on the roof of their penthouse. It was a cold and dark night but Keith didn’t mind at all. He was fast asleep until—.

“Keith.” A familiar voice called out. He opened his eyes and felt horrified of what he saw in front of him.

“No, I thought—“Keith voice was croaked. He clutched his blanket and slowly backed up against the wall. “Lance.” The name escaped Keith’s mouth.

Lance went closer to Keith’s bed. “Keith I can't believe you forgot me, I can’t believe you left me to die.” Lance’s eyes looked dead. His voice was dark.

Keith’s breathe hitched but he managed to scream, “No! NO YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD! YOU DON’T EXIST ANYMORE! THIS IS NOT REAL!”

“I thought you love me Keith, but why did you forget me like the rest of them?” Lance stopped at the edge of Keith’s bed and continued to torment Keith.  “What’s next? I’m going to be replaced?”

“I DID LOVE YOU, WE NEVER FORGOT YOU, AND NO ONE COULD REPLACE YOU!” Keith covered his ears, tears rolling down from his cheeks. He bit his lips till it bled. “LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!”

Keith’s door suddenly was rammed open by Hunk and he rushed to Keith.

“Keith?” Hunk grabbed his face, his brows nearly knit together. “Keith! Buddy! Snap out of it!” Hunk tried to call out. Keith still looked petrified, his eyes was still at the edge of the bed where Lance once stood.

Shiro, Allura and Pidge followed behind. Allura looked at Shiro, “Shiro check his pill bottles to see if he’s been drinking his meds” Shiro nodded and checked Keith’s drawer. Pidge, Hunk and Allura tried their best to calm him down. At some point Keith began to hyperventilate. He couldn’t breathe properly.

Shiro turned to Allura while his face looked disappointed and sad. “Allura, he hasn’t been drinking his pills.” Shiro looked under Keith’s bed and found a bottle of vodka lying around. Shiro looked more frustrated.

Hunk stepped aside and let Allura faced him. Her gentle hands rested on Keith’s shoulders. She stared deep into his purple eyes. “Keith, answer me, why haven’t you taken your pills? Why are you drinking?”  

“I- I th-ought I cou-ld ha-handle this without these sh-shits” Keith hiccupped. “I- I also drank vodka because…because… I can’t move on, I thought it’ll help me because I miss him so much..”

Keith hugged himself and sobbed. “I’m sorry…”

Everyone exchanged looks. They gathered around Keith and embraced him.

“Keith, even if Lance isn’t here anymore.” Pidge bit their lips and paused. “You have us, we… love you Keith”

“I’m sorry…” Keith repeated. “I’m sorry.”

 

  
_“The sadness will last forever”_

–Vincent Van Gogh

 

\--

Hi! I hope you enjoyed the story. 

If you want an explanation about Keith's condition in this story (I actually asked a senior in Psychology about this) 

At first, Keith has PSTD but in the last part his disorder evolved into Schizophrenia. My friend said, that disorders can actually evolve. Like pokemons. lol. but jokes aside that's all the explanation. 

It was PSTD because Keith seemed to act like everything is normal or that seeing Lance is normal. Now in the last part, it can be derived as Schizophrenia because he is distressed about seeing Lance and knowing Lance is dead and it's all in his head. 

Just explaining this since knowing some people I am too tired to explain later. 


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